Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The big shave

Firstly thanks to Steve and Marie for their swift comments on the last post. I deliberated all weekend whether or not to write about the fears and realities of becoming a cancer bore, just because if you're writing about it at great length... well, that should tell you something in the first place.

But it is a genuinely weird set of emotions to square up. To fear you may be boring, yet find you have nothing else to consume your interests, time and conversations with.

And yes, I did consider telling 'go fuck yourself' option, but I also know he was probably terrified about bringing it up in the first place. Criticising someone who is marked as different from normal because of a disease like cancer, having a disability, or even just a sexual preference has become such a minefield in today's politically correct universe that it must have taken him some courage to do this.

Having said that, as Steve says, it's not something I can just ignore.

And today I am sporting a headscarf which makes me look like I travelled through the Hindu Kush as a young yet daring debutante and now live in a delapidated old Chelsea mansion full of cats and smoke cheroots.

So I am not going to ignore it. I'm going to get it all shaved. At 5.30pm today.

My parents and R both passed on the task this weekend in an effort to persuade me that I don't look as abnormal as I feel, and they may be right, but this straggly old man hair that I'm left with in the interim is getting me down. Watching it fall out daily is no fun, and I lack the urge to hoover my house while it's still raining hair on a daily basis.

And a five minute trip at lunchtime has confirmed that my local hairdressers will do it for a tenner. So I'm booked in later today and it feels quite liberating.


Dr Jude said...

Good for you - at this point, you should do exactly what makes you feel the best. If people ask you about the cancer, you have a right to respond in your own way. Our friends and acquaintances reacted in all sorts of ways: from sympathy, to genuine interest, to polite enquiries but don't want to know, to those that pretended nothing was going on, and even those who thought Steve had shaved his head to make a fashion statement. You're not a bore - people with babies only talk about babies and diapers and breast feeding, people with new puppies only talk about puppies and house training. It's normal to talk about what occupies your mind the most. What are you supposed to do? Forget that you're in the middle of chemo? I for one cannot forget whatever emotional state I'm in, and if some people are so emotionally stunted that they can't cope with their own feelings, that's their loss.

Anne-Marie Weeden said...

Yes well, the minor concern at the moment is that the new hairdo (the antithesis of a "hairdo" really, it should be called a "hairdon't") will attract new and interesting admirers from our gay community. Not really a fashion statement so much as a lifestyle statement... (I cannot believe you had people think it was a choice of STYLE!).

And being one to be easily flattered by attention, maybe I'll succumb just because I start to get admiring glances from sapphic friends. Who knows? A whole new awakening could await, but somehow I doubt it.

Frankly I am enjoying the freedom of the new hair. I have occasionally lifted the hat at work, under pretence or reality of it being a bit hot, having a head scratch, or just showing a pal (Hmmm... the not talking about it thing, does that include not showing your shaven head???) but really it's about getting people used to it so come the really hot days in July and August I'll be able to sit there, scalp naked.

The only reason I haven't stuck a photo up yet is that I get to go home and scare R with it for the first time tonight... and I don't want to leak it to him online first!