Friday, May 11, 2007

The source of my forgetfulness (and crankiness)


There I was, yesterday evening, still feeling perky, meeting with good friends for a drink and a pizza, feeling normal.

Then at 4am this morning I'm staring at the ceiling again, trying to sleep. My mouth hurting so much from the ulcers which have set in and are only getting worse, my brain reeling from the dream that woke me up, and my boyfriend creeping out to the spare room to get some sleep in a place where your bed companion isn't tossing and turning all night.

So today I am in a thunderous mood, having had about 4 hours broken sleep, far too much work to do because I've started picking stuff up again now that I've been 'normal' most of the week (and there's simply a hell of a lot on) and anxious about the prospect of having my stitches taken out later today.

It's my own fault. I decided not to take a sleeping pill last night. Other than last Friday and Saturday (when I also woke up at 4am each night and couldn't get back to sleep), I've been taking the Lorazepam religiously every night at 11ish and getting a really sound night's sleep. But then I should get nothing less for something which is 10 times the strength of diazepam (this being the 'Mother's Little Helper' in the Stones' song). Last night, having had a few drinks, and not wanting to stay on the massively strong and easy to get addicted to Lorazepam, I decided that I would try another night without it.

But clearly that was a foolish idea.

Better ask a doctor later if they can get me onto diazepam, or something that is less strong than lorazepam, in an effort to wean myself but maintain reasonable sleep patterns...

But at least I know where chemo brain comes from:

"Among benzodiazepines, lorazepam has relatively strong amnesic effects,[37] but patients develop tolerance to this after a few days of regular use. Long term therapy may lead to cognitive deficits, especially in the elderly, who may already be more prone to forgetfulness, but this is reversible after a period of discontinuation."

Cognitive deficits? Get me a safer drug!!!

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