Monday, August 13, 2007

Once more into the breach


Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood, for it's Chemo no 6 on Tuesday. My last one, ever, I hope.

In the meantime I have to get through a mountain of work and I have the 3-D breast modelling appointment on the Tues morning before my chemo actually starts. All of this is doing quite a good job of distracting me from feeling too icky right now.

Since being sick after no 4, my body has started anticipating the treatment with barely controllable waves of nausea - last time it started a few hours before I was due in. But over the last three weeks it's happened whenever I've thought back to moments I found hard last time - when I'd smell some antiseptic, or if I caught a glimpse of the nurse pushing in the red stuff in the large hypodermic. Or whenever I've thought forward to my next treatment.

So I've been trying not to think about it, but it's hard. Especially because everyone keeps reminding me "It's your last one - are you looking forward to it?".

I mean, that's like asking someone if they're looking forward to having a filling. It may stop the toothache in the long run but the experience itself isn't going to be much fun.

So I'm busy kidding myself that Tuesday is just about radiotherapy and maybe that way I'll forget about it and won't actually feel sick until the actual treatment is upon me.

"Oh" said Anne-Marie as she watched the nurse plunge some of those nasty toxins into her body, "I forgot I was having this today".

Fat chance. I bet I'll be cracking upon the Domperidone first thing Tuesday morning, if not before.

Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his, or her, full height...

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