Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Are we there yet?


I'm nearly at the end of my treatment.

It feels weird - not the anticpatory elation I was expecting. More the sort of feeling you get after a very very long journey, with delays and cancellations along the way, where you haven't slept in 36 hours and you're just on that last leg home, forcing your eyelids to stay open in case you miss your stop and knowing that when you get home, you won't have any energy left to open your post, or say hello to the cat, or even make yourself a cup of tea. Nope, you know that at the end of the whole, exhausting, journey, you'll simply be grateful to curl up in bed and sleep straight through the next day.

That's what it feels like.

And I may have only 3 blasts of radiation left on the whole breast, and a further 5 'booster' sessions left to go on the core lumpectomy area, but after that I need to get my portocath removed in a small surgical procedure, have a dodgy looking but ever-shrinking mole excised in another local anaesthetic procedure, and wait at least several weeks before the soreness and violently sunburnt looking boob of mine calms down. Plus they'll be wanting me to see my oncologist again, and the Breast Surgeon, and do scans. So even after the daily doses of radiation stop, I'll still be fiddling about with minor procedures and appointments.

In the meantime, I lurch from day to day with mounting exhaustion again. The highs of coming off chemo have been buttoned back down with the rigour of the radiotherapy schedule taking its toll and exacerbated by a shitty winter cold that I have picked up. Thank god I wasn't going through chemo during the winter months - half the office is snivelling and snottering with one thing or another.

So I'm asking my boss to borrow a couple of days holiday allowance from next year's batch so that we can go on holiday for two weeks instead of one. I figure I could make better use of the time off now than in the New Year - to properly recuperate.

And, quite frankly, we've spotted a deal to Kerela where it will cost us merely £20 more to stay an extra week. How's that for value for money?

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