Sunday, October 07, 2007

Hollywood's not for me...


Last week I had a long chat with a friend of mine who lives in Turkey, in a small village where I once spent several months of my life exploring bad relationships and good kebabs. Bikinis are worn more frequently over there than they are in drizzly London, and as she was clearly driving when I called, I asked her what she was up to.

"I've just been for a Hollywood"

I searched my memory banks for when I lived over there. A Hollywood? Was it some sort of fast food joint? However good the kebabs were in the tiny village I called home for a while, we used to lust after the guilty pleasures of a McDonalds whenever we hit the big city down the coast. Maybe 'Hollywood' was some sort of home-grown Turkish McDonalds that I had conveniently erased from my memory over the years.

Nope, she was referring to a type of bikini wax. The type where it ALL comes off.

"You should get one - they're great" she said.

I pointed out that I had enjoyed the dubious benefits of an involuntary 'Hollywood' courtesy of chemo for the last five months. And what's more I really had not enjoyed it all that much.

Yes, there is a certain ease of upkeep. And possibly it could be argued to be more hygienic, not that I would like to think I was ever that unhygienic without it. But whatever the benefits are, I could not get used to not having any hair down there. It's been years since I looked like that and the juxtaposition of a 34 year old body with a pubic area that looks pre-pubescent is just too disturbing to put into words.

Now that the hair is no longer just growing back on my head, I no longer have to worry about this. But go get a bikini wax done specially to repeat the whole experience?

No thank you.

9 comments:

Marie said...

I know it's the hip thing to do and all. Maybe I'm too old or too au natural, but this "Brazillian" as they call it stateside sounds dreadful to me. And the implications... the I-am-an-8-year-old-prepubescent-girl implications... too revolting to contemplate.

Steve said...

you should go for the full "Toronto Trim" girl... google THAT!

Helô said...

hi there
you did it again! i mean, you made me think seriously and laugh happily at the same time :) i know exactly what you mean by "pubic area that looks pre-pubescent". Mind you, mine is a 49 and on top of that carrying a loooonng tummy scar...
PS - "Hello Helô" - yes, all the time :)

Anne-Marie Weeden said...

Steve - Just googled your suggestion and labiaplasty? I'm horrified by the thought! Quite why someone would spend a fortune 'correcting' a part of their body very few people get to see is beyond me. A beaky nose I could maybe understand. One's labia? I think you've been in NY too long!

I'm with Marie on the whole thing.

And Helo - I'm guessing that the whole pubic maintenance thing is fairly big in Brazil, what with a 'Brazilian' now being common terminology for the landing strip effect. But I'm glad that you can still understand the weirdness of not having any hair down there for the first time in far too many years!

x

dk said...

A friend of mine has just had the whole lot lasered off for life... she better hope the the fashion's don't change i thought... she'll need a wig down there ;p

Anne-Marie Weeden said...

Isn't that called a merkin?

Elizabeth Stock said...

So funny! I finally went to get my wax on last week - it started with just eye brows and a little bikini clean up, but then I told my waxer, Taylor, "oh hell, just go for the whole thing" (just the bikini, mind you, I will keep the brows). I have since decided that I will not go the brazillian route again - much more painful than the chemo route. As a weird side note, the last time I got a wax, back on January 12th, was the same day I went to my obgyn to have my lump checked out.

Elizabeth Stock said...

And DEAR GOD! Why would you have a man give you a wax picture??) DOWN THERE?

Steve said...

love the "down there" comment - very Les Dawson